How am i supposed to grieve?


How am I supposed to grieve my dad’s passing when I am consumed with anger, resentment and maybe even jealousy towards my wicked ex stepmother and step sister who were there when I wasnt, who shared his life when I didn’t, they knew him , I didn’t?

How am I supposed to grieve my dad’s passing when I have 6 children to care for  and carry on as normal for? They didn’t know him.

How am I supposed to grieve my dad’s passing when I am up to my eyeballs in pre school work, meetings here there and everywhere and the mighty task of setting up full-time after Easter?

How am I supposed to grieve my dad’s passing when money worries seem to be taking over everything?

How am I supposed to grieve?

Read other posts about my dad here and here

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11 responses to “How am i supposed to grieve?

  1. Oh! (hug) for you honey. I an estranged from my father and he has no desire to meet his grandchildren so there are people there, knowing him, whilst I don’t. You need to give yourself some time, it’s hard to find I know but perhaps when the kids are sleeping? I hope you get some closure hun xxxx

  2. Oh honey. I feel for you and send you a big hug. I would be angry too but i hope in time you will come out the other side and be able to grieve for your Dad and the time with him that you didn’t have. I’m so sorry x

  3. Yes been there too. Had the dad I rarely saw and the wicked stepmother who was the reason why. And had the anger – I was furious that he was taken from me when I had just got back in touch with him only a year or two beforehand ( because I was working near his new home).
    I feel very sad for you that you are going through this double grief.
    When my dad died ( I was about 26) I went to the funeral and saw my ( much older) stepsiblings for the first time in 16 years. They asked why they hadn’t seen me and said before I could reply. “It was mum wasn’t it”
    They were very nice and apologetic and other friends of my dad told me how he talked about me ( I didn’t know) and watched the news programme I was on and was really proud of me ( I never knew). I found this extremely upsetting at the time but I am glad I know this now – even though it is too late!
    At the crematorium I spent some time alone – away from the rest of the group- which I needed to. I had no family of my own , my boyfriend was in the forces and couldn’t come. But actually I was happier alone.
    A really strange outcome was that for a couple of years afterwards my stepmum wanted to spend time with me – though she never had before. I guess I was the only link she had with him. I agreed because I thought it was what he would have wanted. Perhaps I should not have.
    In more recent years though when I have visited my stepsister she has said she does not want to see me any more. I have no idea why.

    I’m telling you this because I hope it may be of some help to you. To be honest it’s not something I ever discuss. I found going to the funeral and talking to dad’s friends unexpectedly helpful although I was dreading it for lots of reasons.
    So if you have the chance to grieve formally like this I would take it – what you do at home behind closed doors – the real grieving perhaps – will take a lot of time.
    Good luck and I will be thinking of you xx

    • Thank you so much for sharing with me, i really do appreciate it. I am going to attend the funeral on Tuesday, it will be a very hard day but i think it will be the first step on the path to closure xxx

  4. You need to grieve in your own way; that won’t include your step-mother or your step-sister, just you. They have no right to your feelings, they are your own and you will have memories of your dad that no one can ever take away.

    Take care, CJ xx

    • Thanks CJ, the trouble is, i have hardly any memories, he left when i was only about 7 years old. I am however trying to take comfort in the fact that he got in contact before he died and we made our peace with each other. x

  5. Oh I feel for you. I lost my
    mum this year and it’s so tough. You’re right it does need time doesn’t it. I realised that last week when it all built up and caught up with me. Writing helps me, even just two mins in my diary at the end of the day. Take care 🙂

  6. Oh my goodness..I’m so sorry for your loss and your pain. I’ve sat here for the past 10 minutes, just thinking what I could say to make you feel better, but everything seems so trite, so I delete it and start again.
    All I can say is, don’t hold onto the anger…it’s not worth the pain.
    Big hugs
    xx

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